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The Other Side of the Closet: The Coming-Out Crisis for Straight Spouses and Families, Revised and Expanded Edition | 
 enlarge | Author: Amity Pierce Buxton
Publisher: Wiley
Category: Book
List Price: $18.95
Buy Used: $1.66
You Save: $17.29 (91%)
New (31) Used (50) from $1.66
Avg. Customer Rating:  27 reviews
Sales Rank: 271210
Media: Paperback
Edition: Rev Exp
Number Of Items: 1
Pages: 352
Shipping Weight (lbs): 1.1
Dimensions (in): 9.1 x 7 x 0.8
ISBN: 0471021520
Dewey Decimal Number: 306.765
EAN: 9780471021520
ASIN: 0471021520
Publication Date: May 24, 1994
Availability: Usually ships in 1-2 business days
Shipping: Expedited shipping available
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Product Description
Candid, compassionate, authoritative—a rich source of insights, information, and practical guidance… "The first major work on the topic." —Gay Community News "A much needed comprehensive study of what happens to husbands, wives, and children during the coming-out crisis.".; —The Reverend Jane E. Vennard, founder Task Force for Spouses of Gays and Lesbians "The new enlarged edition adds important factors, especially children's reactions to a parent's coming out. Well-researched and insightful." —Fritz Klein, M.D., author of The Bisexual Option "Anybody practicing in this area would be well advised to read this book." —Professor Arthur S. Leonard, New York Law School In two million marriages, one spouse is gay, lesbian, or bisexual. Having a spouse or parent disclose his or her same-sex attraction is a shattering experience fraught with pain, confusion, anger, and a profound loss of self-esteem. Amity Pierce Buxton spotlights this exploding phenomenon and reports constructive coping strategies that spouses and children have used to resolve problems of sexual damage, family breakdown, deception, and homophobia. Illustrated throughout by riveting personal narratives, this expanded edition of The Other Side of the Closet traces the family's journey from initial trauma to eventual transformation. This invaluable source of information for spouses, families, and professionals is based on Dr. Buxton's eight years of research, including interviews with 1,000 straight spouses and children, her own personal experience, and her counseling work with spouses of gay, lesbian, and bisexual partners.
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| Customer Reviews: Read 22 more reviews...
 Not so informational June 13, 2008
The book was quite long on examples, and then had a tendancy to refer back to examples by name and expects you to remember the details. I was looking for answers to "Why?" and to "Okay now what do I do?" and found that this book did not help.
A chapter later in the book discussed affects on kids, and I found this insightful.
 The Other Side of the Closet July 31, 2007
1 out of 2 found this review helpful
This booked helped my so much. I started reading it within a month of finding out about my gay husband. I never know there would be so many of us in the same situation. This was a subject that I knew nothing about. Reading the book and learning of the phases that we all go though, helped me to understand my feelings. Reading that everyone has periods of these same feelings, made me feel that I was not alone. Anyone who has to face this crisis MUST read this book. You have to see that you will move on with time, this book shows you the steps you will take along the way.
This book saved my sanity May 2, 2007
3 out of 3 found this review helpful
My ex and I were married for 15 years. He never came out. Still insists he's not gay and that I am crazy and vindictive. But I knew he was gay at the end of our marriage. For several years I thought I was the only person this happened to. After reading this book, I found that there are so many circumstances in which these marriages happen, and it was like reading my own story in some places. I learned that this wasn't just a fluke, and it wasn't just me - there are patterns here that I recognized.
I also learned that the whole drama of coming out or staying in the closet is not just up to the homosexual when a straight spouse and family are also involved.
I have been coming out of his closet for a long time. This book was the start. The straight spouse network also really helped me, and continues to help me. The resources in this book are invaluable for anyone who is just starting to deal with this, and for those of us who have been dealing with these family situations for a while.
 Doom for married bisexuals October 1, 2006
10 out of 21 found this review helpful
I came out to my husband five years before he read this book. He didn't believe I was bisexual, but the more often I tried to talk to him about the issue, the further he would shut down. Eventually, he read this book and decided that our marriage was doomed, despite that we had been together for close to twelve years at the time. Our marriage would have been possible to salvage if he'd not read this, bought the propaganda that being married to a bisexual was a disaster, and actually attempted to communicate about the issues both of us were having.
If you're bi and your spouse reads this, expect to be served divorce papers.
Life saving reading September 17, 2006
8 out of 10 found this review helpful
No one ever expects to hear the words I heard my husband of 11 years say when he sat me down last January and told me he was gay. We had been together for nearly 16 years and have two young children. I was devistated. I went through (and am still going through) extreme emotional rollercoaster girations that left me dizzy. I felt every emotion nearly everyday. I didn't know which way was up. I didn't know what to do, who to talk to, who to trust. Trust was the first thing I started challenging in my day to day life. Friends, family, coworkers... any one I met I wondered if they too were lying to me. It was a destructive mind set that I eventually, through the help of counseling, got over. Like the book mentions, there is a moment when the strait spouse feels they've been pushed into the closet. Hiding what they know from everyone, pretending things are normal. Having been there, I can attest that that was a very scary time and this book did help me get through that and helped me rescue myself from the closet. 8 months later, I'm in my own house, feeling the freedom to have my own routine, getting on with my life, and we're divorsed but still friends. Most importantly, we're both happier now that we have been for several years. The kids have come first through this whole ordeal and we have managed to keep them on track that there is no shame in who their father is. We still do things as a family, after all, we got divorced from each other not the kids. we even do things as a big happy family with my ex and his partner. The kids seem to have adjusted pretty well so far, but I know the road is long and we've just started the journey.
If anyone is just starting this journey or is having difficulty with a similar situation, I strongly urge you to get this book AND seek counseling. This book helped both of us understand what the other was going through. It will help you. And you will heal over time. Good Luck.
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