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My Husband Is Gay: A Woman's Survival Guide | 
 enlarge | Author: Carol Grever
Publisher: Crossing Press
Category: Book
List Price: $14.95
Buy New: $3.00
You Save: $11.95 (80%)
New (24) Used (20) from $2.75
Avg. Customer Rating:  10 reviews
Sales Rank: 287432
Media: Paperback
Number Of Items: 1
Pages: 180
Shipping Weight (lbs): 0.6
Dimensions (in): 7.8 x 6 x 0.6
ISBN: 1580910890
Dewey Decimal Number: 306.872
UPC: 628195910890
EAN: 9781580910897
ASIN: 1580910890
Publication Date: May 10, 2001
Availability: Usually ships in 1-2 business days
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Product Description
A Woman's Survival Guide; The only book of its type that focuses on the woman's point of view; At any given time, there are 2 million mixed-orientation marriages; Carol Grever and her husband, Jim, were high school sweethearts who married in their early twenties. Thirty years and two children later, Jim announced to his wife that he was homosexual. A fundamentalist Christian, he had been leading a double life for years. In an effort to process her pain and confusion, Carol Grever sought out other heterosexual women, of all ages, ethnicities, and educational backgrounds, who were married to gay men. The stories she uncovered examine these women's coping strategies and form the basis of this manual for healing.
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| Customer Reviews: Read 5 more reviews...
 So grateful for this book. December 21, 2007
3 out of 3 found this review helpful
I bought this book because my husband has decided he's gay. Because we first had a friendship many years ago, then we turned on the romance, we are surviving through this situation still living together, with our children. We are giving ourselves a time of transition to work it out. The kids are too young to hear the circumstances so they don't even suspect. But, I had so many questions in regards to how to handle this, not necessarily why is he gay. But, the book helped me to confirm that I definitely can't change his orientation, he and I had both thought for a moment, that it could be prayed out of him, but alas, no, and we are Christians and really love the Lord. Just hearing about other women's situations is a help in transcending your own troubles. You almost feel that you are sitting present listening to support groups talk about their challenges with the husband coming out. I feel that my husband and I have definitely taken the high road in transitioning to an eventual separation. We plan on staying very involved as a "family", and I hope is at some point in the distant future, to meet a man whom I can share a complete relationship with. My husband is an amazing person and father and I always want him in my life, in our children's lives. It hurts so much now to be working through this, the tears keep coming, my husband and I continue to have discussions about handling the future for our "family". Carol's book is very comforting, focuses on keeping you healthy, bringing you to a place of peace, as the straight spouse, as you work through your issues. There is no workbook, but I definitely was calmed and helped to keep on track to love my husband now as still a best friend, person, and father, and myself, too, so that life can move forward for me positively and healthfully. Her last section on steps to take to "get through this situation" are of peace and of love, which when acted out by anyone, in my heart I know, is the best way. I know my husband hurts because this incredible situation hurts me and will affect our "beautiful" family as it is. Carol helped me work through my anger. I'd sit down to read the book when feeling, mad, angry and confused, and stop reading at a point, then feeling hopeful, more at peace and brought back to a path of love and health for which to lead my actions for both myself and towards my husband, which of course is a definite benefit for our children, whom we adore above all. Her words to regard him as a valuable person, etc. were encouraging.
All the best, this book will help you on your way, in a situation which of course is devastating to anyone.
 I couldn't even finish it! July 2, 2007
0 out of 3 found this review helpful
This book is very repetitive. It presents interesting cases that become boring when explored over and over again. If your spouse turns out to be homosexual, a support group would be much more helpful than this book.
 Good Book June 15, 2007
2 out of 15 found this review helpful
This book was helpful, but the Author is 'teaching' junk science, so I am only giving it two stars.
The fact is that there is NO Gay Gene, and Greever has swallowed a lot of politcal disinformation spread by PFLAG and teaching it to women who are buying into misinformation about genetic structures as a way to salve their own conscious or as a way to fend off outsiders who tell them iit is their fault that their husband is 'now' gay.
The fact is that it isn't their fault at all, so why accept 'junk' science as a way of coping. Would they 'modify' their eating behavior and change their diet's if their DNA included predispositions to cancer or diabetes? Of course they would, or most people would try to modify their dietary behavior if they had family who had those medical conditions.
Greever doesn't seem to be able to make the leap that DNA can show predispositions to a disease, and therefore can be modified. Gay is no different from other predispositions to any disease. Why is she even accepting PFLAGs assertion that Gay cannot be modified, when other genes can be modified? She has accepted their politicaal agenda without even looking at the entire science behind DNA.
Frankly, the Gay Gene is a myth, and scientists agree that the DNA structure cannot be 'replicated', ergo there is no gay gene.
Fact: She emphasizes, that gays were _not_ _recruited_, that is also disinformation, based on the fact that in the early 1970's when the DSM struck Homosexuality from their Diagnostic book, they recruited people by telling them that 'everyone' is Gay, everyone has a tendency towards being Gay, and that is a natural thing, clearing the way for homosexuals to recruuit young boys and girls into that lifestyle.
I am not overly religious, but I do know that there isn't a Gay Gene, and if there was, behavior can be modified, just like diets for predispositions to other medical problems, can be modified.
Ohter than that the book is supportive of spouses who are dealing with a marriage that isn't working. I think it would be best to say that, you either accept that your husband or wife is gay and move on or stay.
 One of the best on this topic out there August 15, 2005
8 out of 11 found this review helpful
While I have yet to find a good comprehensive book on this topic, this is the best I've read yet. Carol Grever treats the subject with compassion, and interweaves many personal stories that the reader can relate to. I also appreciated that, while it may be rare or tough for a mixed orientation marriage to stay together, it's not impossible and the book reflects that message.
Having been the spouse of a gay man for 20 years (and known of his orientation for 10), I know that it is not impossible to make a marriage work, though it takes some incredible strength on the parts of both the straight and gay spouses. My husband and I both appreciated this book's approach.
Compatibility and change July 8, 2005
5 out of 5 found this review helpful
It can only be a good thing that this book provides positive support for women who suddenly find themselves in a marriage that is not what they thought. After all, spousal compatability is the most important aspect of a lasting marriage. It does seem remarkable to me, though, that in 30 years of "mostly happy" marriage, the author never realised her husband was gay. Surely the marriage's general long-term happiness should have the author questioning her own status, vis-a-vis the whole gay issue? Different personality types and their relative compatibility are usually issues that are sorted out in the pre-marriage courting stage, or at least in the early stages of marriage. For it to take 30 "mostly happy" years for the author to realise her objections to her husband's gaiety indicates the likelihood that she had actually changed over time. It's natural for some people to become more melancholic and morose as they get older, but it seems a bit unreasonable to be taking it out on your spouse!
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